I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
