we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
