All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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