What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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