you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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