Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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