yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
