Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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