I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
