Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
