i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
