I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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