When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
