Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
