do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
