Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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