Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I touched a dick in church today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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