i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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