Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
