How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
