I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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