guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
