big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it because I queefed?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize