miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
