i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
