Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
