I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bring me that man meat
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
