I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He passed out mid-signature
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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