Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
