Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
