K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
