I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
