you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
