woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
