I want to make a zoo with you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
