I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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