we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
