I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
