She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
