At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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