Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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