party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
