If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
