the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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