You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
