Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
