had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
