just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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