batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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