she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
