We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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