He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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