At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
