Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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