I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
