i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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