if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
