Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
