You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
