With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
