5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
