Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
