I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
