I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
