ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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