he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize