I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
