I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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