I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
