walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
