...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
