If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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