Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
