some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
