I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
