I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize