i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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