I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize